Why The Potted Plant Parenting Way For Raising Teenagers Can Work Wonders (also published on Womens Web)

While our children grow up into teenagers nowadays, let’s understand the shift taking place in them and in their way of needing us.

Over the past few months, as I’ve spent more time at home, I’ve wondered why my teenage children sometimes point out that they missed me on the few occasions when I’ve been out. While it’s nice to know I’ve been missed, I thought it was rather strange because when I am around at home, they seem to be content doing their own things. And hours can go by when we haven’t talked to each other.
All of us parents and especially those of us with corporate or professional lives, struggle to spend more time with the family and children and make the most of ‘quality over quantity’.

I came across this wonderful article on New York Times talking about teenagers nowadays and the role of ‘potted plant parents’ in their lives. I loved this term and the article resonated with me as I think it makes sense for many of us, who as parents of adolescents, need to understand the shift taking place in our children. And understand the shift taking place in the way that our children relate to us and need us.

As our two teenagers have been growing up, we have been seeing the change taking place at our home. Dinner time together continues to be important. But often catching up over dinner or those “so, how was your day” conversations work only to an extent. That does not mean that our children do not want to talk about their day. Maybe they do not want to talk about it just then.

Also not all the activities that we used to do together when they were younger find common ground now in terms of timings or interests. In other words, as many of us parents of adolescents would know, they now need to be ‘convinced’ about joining us for activities. Activities that they would have all too readily jumped at or insisted on joining when they were younger.

This shift taking place in their behaviour is coming from the changes taking place in them as they grow and develop their independent views, interests and choices. This needs to translate into us understanding that shift in our teenagers, and respect that they can need us and connect with us differently during these years.

I have been experiencing that even if I’m just being around my children or taking the ‘form of blending into the background like a potted plant’, that time does matter to them. It may seem like we are not pursuing any common activity, nor are we having any conversation. But then sometimes they suddenly open up and talk. They share their viewpoint on something. Or show a song or video they like. Or seek advice on something that’s been troubling them.

As the NYT article rightly states this is as relevant for full-time working or travelling (‘fly-in, fly-out’) parents – both fathers and mothers – as they can stay connected with their teenagers nowadays “by regularly checking in by social media, texts and FaceTime — letting their kids know that even though they were away, they were still watching.”

So fellow parents of teenagers, let’s not fret if our children are doing their own thing. Let’s understand that they still need us in their teenage years, just that they need us differently.

Let’s embrace our potted plant parenting and enjoy these years together with them!

This article was also published on Womens Web

When Trekking And Camping With Children The Mountains Can Have Plenty To Teach Them About Life (also published on Womens Web)

Trekking and camping with children in the mountains teaches them to experience the world through new eyes. It also teaches them a lot about themselves.

It has been a few years since I’ve been going for treks to the Himalayas. Last year my then 12 year old daughter joined me for a 7 day Himalayan trek to the Great Lakes of Kashmir. It was not an easy trek even for us adults, and as the only child in our group (and going by our discussions with the soldiers at the army posts, possibly the youngest to go on that trekking trail), she too found it challenging in some parts. The previous year, my son had been with another group for a trek to Auli in the Uttarakhand region of the Himalayas. Before that, we had been taking our children for shorter treks in the Sahyadri mountains in Maharashtra.

By the end of the Kashmir trek, it was truly an eye opener for me to watch my daughter manage herself through all the excitement, challenges and jubilation of the trekking and camping experience. I could see from up close, the fabulous life lessons that these experiences have to offer children and us.

“I can’t use my mobile phone for five days? But I can’t live without it even for a day!”
“I can’t possibly walk for so many hours!”
“What if I can’t eat or drink anything they serve me there?”

City life brings its share of frustrations for children and for parents, as nature spots are reduced and opportunities to experience the open environs are limited. On one hand, children’s absorption with mobile phones, games, television and online media are making them more house-bound. On the other hand, avenues for out-of-home activities are limited to venues such as malls, restaurants and cinemas.

Being disconnected from nature and outdoor activities, accompanied by an increasingly protected lifestyle among urban children, is limiting our children’s capabilities to adapt to different situations – both physically and mentally.

The mountains offer exciting terrains for climbing uphill or running through lush green meadows; walking through slush, or leaping over boulders; crossing over or wading through streams. The experience of camping means packing and unpacking every day, tucking into sleeping bags at night, sharing a tent with others, and eating what everyone is eating, and much more.

The experience of trekking and camping in the mountains is a great way for children to expand their physical and mental faculties and have loads of fun while at it. Children develop a stronger resilience and endurance as they begin to appreciate that not only can they physically handle a lot more than they thought they could. But they are also capable of being responsible for themselves and adapting to a variety of conditions that they otherwise have not been exposed to.

Often in the midst of the mountains, Nature also achieves what most of us struggle with: get children to unplug from technology, soak in the beauty and develop a personal connect with their surrounding. Some treks incorporate offbeat routes and stays in mountain villages that help children gain an insight into how people lead their lives in remote places – how their houses are built, how their sheep and goat are grazed, how for many, their ways of life have remained unchanged for centuries.

There is an entire range of experienced trekking groups to send our children with, and several locations to choose from.

Here are some ways you can get them started. Whether or not you as parents have been trekkers, you can still get your children started on experiencing the wonders of trekking. Younger children can be encouraged by giving them a taste of the outdoors in nature spots in your vicinity. Start by heading out for walks in and around nature parks, hills, ponds or lakes around you. Middle school children can take on short treks – either day long or overnight treks. Older children can take on 5-7 day treks.
If you are unable to join them yourselves, sign them up through trekking groups that have strong experience in conducting these treks.

So get them started on trekking and watch the “I can’t do this” and “I can’t do without this” convert into a can-do attitude.

This article was also published on Womens Web